I talked to my friend Will from Upstate New York last night about the ridiculousness of New York Governor Andrew Cuomo writing and (already!) releasing a book on his COVID-19 leadership while still amid the issue.

First thought: what kind of leader writes a book about his leadership through a crisis as his people are still suffering through the said crisis?

Second thought: I wonder what these chapters are…

Here are some of my guesses:

Chapter 1: How to Kill Your Elderly Residents

Put COVID-19 Positive Patients in Nursing Homes!

Chapter 2: How to Demoralize Your Entire State

Enact strict Stay-At-Home Orders, close churches and small businesses, and prevent New Yorker’s from attending their loved-ones funerals, but empower 12,000 leftist protestors to flood New York City streets celebrating black trans lives and let looters and violent thugs terrorize NYC and upstate streets!

Chapter 3: How to Lose the Support of Buffalo

Require bars to close unless they also serve meals. Then claim Buffalo wings (invented in Buffalo, NEW YORK!) do not count as a meal!

Chapter 4: How to Force Even the Strongest Lovers of Upstate NY to Abandon Ship (AKA Me… Hello, Texas!) 

Require all those who travel into NYS to sign paperwork declaring they will quarantine alone for two weeks. Threaten them with a $2,000 fine if they don’t sign. Then threaten to send government officials to their house unannounced to check and see if you’re quarantining!

Chapter 5: How to Look like a Massive Jerk Across America

Claim New York had such high numbers because everyone from across the country traveled into the state and brought it with them. News flash: everyone FLED New York and brought the virus with them to conservative states! Oh, and don’t forget to say the virus came from Europe, not Communist China!

Chapter 6: How to Add Lighter Fluid to the Entire Mess

Write a book about your outstanding leadership during a pandemic while the state is still shut down and suffering because of the pandemic. Then go on a book tour!

Do you guys have any other chapter ideas? Honestly, the opportunities are endless with this…

Small victory: apparently, the book is already 30% off! Ouch.