WATCH: My Conversation about Defending Children’s Rights with the of Founder of Them Before Us
On the most recent episode of “The Spillover” I had the opportunity to sit down with Katy Faust, author, activist, and founder of Them Before Us, an organization dedicated to protecting children’s rights. “We focus the discussion on family structure around those who are hit hardest by non-marital childbearing, who are the casualties of no-fault divorce and the redefinition of marriage, or who are intentionally subjected to motherlessness or fatherlessness through reproductive technologies – the children,” the organization’s website states.
During our hour long conversation, we discussed the dark side of IVF (“Big Fertility”), surrogacy, gay marriage and adoption, no-fault divorce and so much more. She had some very controversial takes that I am going to break down.
Katy initially makes the argument that children not only have a natural right to life, but also a right to their biological parents, both mother and father, that will maximize child development. She told viewers that a shocking 70% of divorces are not because of adultery, abuse, or abandonment, and that leaves a devastating number of children growing up in two households, or worse, losing a parent all together.
“Gays and lesbians are not responsible for the abysmal state of the family in the United States, that title belongs to heterosexual adults. Heterosexual adults who normalized no-fault divorce.” Kathy stated. “We’re talking about the redefinition of marriage, but no-fault divorce was the original redefinition of marriage. That was the first time, legally, when we said marriage is no longer an institution centered around the well being of kids.” Katy talks about this issue to educate people on the cultural shift regarding divorce from the child’s perspective, not the parent’s, and not society’s. Her point in all this being, parents often ask children to make sacrifices for them, for their happiness, rather than the reverse.
During our conversation, she told me about a very simple rubric that she follows whenever she encounters a difficult question, or on a hot button issue: is the parent doing the hard thing for the wellbeing of the child, or are they asking the child to do the hard thing for the parent? If the child is being forced to endure the hardship, unnecessarily, for the happiness of the parent, she doesn’t approve of the situation. This is the basic concept of her child-based advocacy, and I really think she’s onto something.
This was conversation was absolutely mind-blowing for me, as someone who used to be somewhat on the fence about issues such as IVF, this simple question posed by Katy really made the think about the ramifications for the child in a deeper way.
Previously, I discussed my personal opinion about Mindy Kaling telling young women to freeze their eggs at a young age to pursue their career — I’m not a fan. I explained my personal convictions concerning IVF and “Big Fertility” practices, considering that I am against the commodifying of children, treating them as material items to be bought and sold. Then, during my conversation with Katy, she told me that fertility and IVF clinics typically discard of unused embryos, or leave them in a freezer for an extended (sometimes unknown) length of time, which of course shouldn’t sit well with anyone.
This episode was packed with hard truths, hot takes, and a plethora of information surrounding the concept of child-first advocacy. There is so much wisdom that this guest had to impart, and I’m also pretty sure this episode will absolutely break the internet — so be sure to tune in for the full conversation on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
