Actress Tia Mowry has announced that she has decided to divorce her husband of 14 years and the father of her two children, Cory Hardrict. While there were rumors circulating around the internet that there was a scandal or infidelity, as always happens with any celebrity gossip, Mowry herself stated that it was a decision made in “self-love.”
During an interview with Hoda & Jenna, the hosts asked Mowry how she knew that it was time for her and Hardrict to go their separate ways. Unsurprisingly, her response focused heavily on herself, it wasn’t anything her husband did, there was no talk of a heart-wrenching hidden affair, it was entirely because Mowry wanted her energy to be spent taking care of herself rather than her family.
“I knew when I really started to focus on my happiness. I feel like women, we tend to focus on everybody else’s happiness, making sure that everyone else is okay, meaning, our children our friends our family, but at the end of the day, it’s about self love.”
Tia Mowry
The overwhelmingly female live audience erupted in applause. Many online have backed up her decision, and scolded Christians who criticized the notion that self-love is more important than your marriage.
“Let’s start working on you and really focusing on what really, really matters here, which is at the end of the day, your peace, your joy, and your happiness.”
Tia Mowry
Tia Mowry made sure to also note that she was working with a therapist during her decision-making process, which led her to believe putting herself first would be the best choice.
“My marriage was a success. I look at it as like, a curriculum when you’re in college or in high school. Right? You’re leaning. You’re growing. You’re evolving. You’re creating — and I was able to create with Cory some beautiful, amazing children — and at the end of that curriculum and at the end, there’s a graduation, there’s a celebration.”
Tia Mowry
“People look at marriage— when they look at marriage, that success equals longevity. But no, at the end of the day, it’s, are they happy? Are they thriving? Are they growing?”
Mowry’s marriage appeared to be the picture-perfect ideal, one that many Christian women looked up to — she and her husband frequently spoke about their Christian faith, a rare occurrence in Hollywood. But the cult of “self-love” has permeated pop-culture and taken ahold of so many marriages, from Kim K splitting with Kanye West, to New York Times opinion journalists — so, is it true? Are women who leave their husbands, force their children to grow up in two homes without stability, put themselves before everyone else, and abandon the commitment they made before their friends, family, and God — are they really happier? I have my doubts.
A study conducted by the University of Chicago found that on average, couples who described their marriages as “unhappy” did not find themselves generally happier after opting to divorce their spouse. On the flip side, couples who stuck it out often overcame the “rut” they were in, cultivating a healthier, stronger relationship as a result.
“Unhappily married adults who divorced or separated were, on average, no happier, no less depressed, had no higher self-esteem, no greater sense of personal mastery, and showed increased alcohol use compared to unhappily married adults who stayed married.
Almost two-thirds of unhappy spouses who stuck with the marriage forged happy marriages down the road.”
University of Chicago & University of Minnesota Twin Cities study on “unhappy” marriages
Rather than finding true happiness and freedom, women who divorce their husbands simply because of a selfish and fleeting desire to meet their most surface level impulses, often find themselves in a hopeless cycle of bitter loneliness. This cruel fact doesn’t stop every liberal media outlet, Hollywood or not, from touting the fallacy that divorce will make women happier.
“9 Reasons Why Women are Happier after a Divorce,” “divorce makes women happier than men,” all source studies that assess the immediate aftermath of a divorce, whereas the study mentioned above asks couples who split how they feel five years after the destruction of their marriage.
Additionally, marriage is a union created for the purpose of raising children. During my recent interview with, Katy Faust, who is the founder of Them Before Us, an organization dedicated to protecting children’s rights, we discussed the consequences of raising children in divorced households.
“We’re talking about the redefinition of marriage, but no-fault divorce was the original redefinition of marriage. That was the first time, legally, when we said marriage is no longer an institution centered around the well-being of kids.”
Katy Faust
Faust uses a rubric when determining what is “right” or “wrong” in any situation by asking: is the parent doing what is hard for the well-being of the child, or are they asking the child to do what is hard for the parent?
In many no-fault divorces, such as Mowry’s, either the husband or wife decides to leave the union simply because they are not enjoying the immediate gratification that they may have at one point. I have already discussed that this has negative consequences for the couple, neither are typically happier after they divorce, but when children are involved the affects are much worse.
Children who are raised in single-parent households are more susceptible to falling into poor habits, they have lower education rates, higher crime rates, a higher likelihood to develop a mental illness, and more frequently display aggression than children raised in households with married parents.
Divorce due to infidelity or abuse is one thing, but forcing children to sacrifice their stability at home for the temporary satisfaction and superficial happiness of the adult is simply selfish and sad.
I have to question whether or not there is a nefarious reason society advocates for a version of self-love that so often leads to the destruction of the family. Single adults are more easily manipulated, when the family is torn apart, everyone is more dependent on the government for basic provisions, but is that the whole picture? Maybe not.
Ultimately, choosing to leave a marriage to “focus on yourself” is counterproductive, and leads to a multitude of societal problems. I wish Tia Mowry and especially her children all the best, but I cannot get on board with the “self-love comes first — before everyone, and everything else” trend.
