World peace? “Maybe later.” Health care? “Not important.” Stimulus Check? “We’ll get around to it…eventually…perhaps.”

BUT MR. POTATO HEAD IS NON-BINARY! OH HAPPY JOY! WE CAN FINALLY LIVE IN PEACE! Hasbro announced today that Mr. Potato Head was dropping the “mister” and should now be referred to as only “Potato Head.”

“Culture has evolved,” Kimberly Boyd, Hasbro’s senior vice president of global brands, told Fast Company. “Kids want to be able to represent their own experiences. The way the brand currently exists — with the ‘Mr.’ and ‘Mrs.’ — is limiting when it comes to both gender identity and family structure.”

I don’t know about you, but this announcement came at the perfect time for me. I was losing so much sleep tossing and turning thinking about this vegetable who identifies as a man even though he doesn’t even have any genitalia. So wouldn’t he already TECHNICALLY be gender-neutral? He does wear a mustache, but it comes right off. Mr. Potato Head was sans-penis, but he did have a trap door in his butt for all the junk in his trunk. That at least stands for something, right? With all that trunk space, at least we know he’ll have plenty of room to store his pro-nouns.

No stimulus check but at least the important issues are being handled. POTATO PRIORITIES! SPUD LOVE!